I thought I was past it. My parents so proudly estimated at least 2 years. But it looks like the 7 month curse is back and better than ever. I've discussed this "relationship complex" that I have before, but here's a quick reminder: I like things until they get real and the wall is broken down. Then I proudly run away to find another wall to hide behind. I've always been good at this. The only things I haven't been able to run away from are my family (mostly because they will never leave me alone) and the things that aren't really real. I fought to keep things the way they were- just friends. If we were "just friends", he'd be the one I'd want to talk to right now. But being angry, a female and in the process of running away means I can't. And if we were "just friends", this curse wouldn't be back to get me.
I wonder what I'm really afraid of. I've been hurt before, and pretty badly. I get called names, I brush it off. If you want a list of at least 10 people who have something bad to say about me, I'll proudly deliver. I know that all good things might sooner or later come to an end. I accept that I can't be obnoxiously optimistic every day, even when the sun is out. I'm beginning to accept the fact that I can't make everyone happy and that not everyone is going to like me. I wonder what makes this all so difficult. I wonder what happened in my past that makes me react this way. If I knew what it was, there isn't a split-second I would waste before trying to go back in time and change it. I wonder what it is that I have to lose.