What the hell is the "we" stage?

>> 12.19.2009

Okay seriously now, not all of this makes sense to me. In fact, very little of it does.  Since I could walk (well, probably even before that) I was an independent person. All I wanted to do was complete something on my own.  If someone got in the way, I would clearly let them know it was not okay.  

So, 20 years later, that translates into someone(me) who is nearly impossible to date.  I'm all about "this is yours, this is mine, we'll talk about other stuff in 20 years". Not to mention I can be a little absent-minded when it comes to the important stuff, and remember all the crap that doesn't really matter. Today, I was pleasantly reminded of how miserable I can be. We (boy + me) were discussing New Years Eve plans.  I said "yes" to a party on facebook, he was wondering what that was all about.  We also had talked about getting away for the holiday, or even heading to his friends house.  My response: I just replied yes- I hadn't decided yet.  And then he said it.  He said "You mean we hadn't decided yet?" 

Well, good luck trying to tell a girl who has been independent since Day 1 that decisions need to be made together.  That doesn't work so well.  It turned into my response being "we aren't at the "we" stage yet".  Yes, because every boyfriend wants to hear their girlfriend say: we're separate, not together.  Wow, I must be so enjoyable to date.

And then I thought about it.  I thought about what the "we stage" really meant.  What it was really all about.  And then I was okay with it all.  See, I think the we stage is realizing that it might not matter what you're doing, as long as you're with the person.  Or you realize that you'd rather not have your own way- you'd rather not be right. It's a very weird feeling, one that is entirely new to me.  But I guess that when it's the right person, whether or not you're right about the decision or whether or not it's your decision at all, you get over it really quick.

As my Mom said to my entire family at Thanksgiving Dinner, she was "thankful that Abby found someone who can finally keep up with her".  Thank YOU Mom, for being right.


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