I don't know why it happens like this, but I feel like after a while, when someone says something over and over and over again, you start to believe it. Without going into too much detail, tonight I wrote an Incident report that was too long to go into the system. Back in December, there was a guest who decided he didn't want to cooperate after he vandalized using slander etc. on my floor, and was then banned from the building after the police had him in the car for a while. Well, said kid decided to come back tonight, and cause the same sort of trouble.
Based off of the knowledge I have, he isn't anyone I'd surround myself with, but listening to him get up in my face and tell me how I don't care about my residents, how I don't know how to do my job as an RA, how he's going to tell the Dean to fire me gets to me. I shouldn't believe it, but I do. I also fear that when he threatened to come back and find me and another RA, he really meant it. And I don't think he meant find us to meet up for coffee.
I don't think people really know what goes into this job. Three years into it, I'm still learning. It's amazing what you do sometimes to protect the students in your hall. It's amazing, yet sometimes bizarre, draining, and bewildering. I want this part of it to end though. I want to not fear students I've confronted, I want to not be best friends with the Police Officers on campus (even though it does have its perks).
And I wonder what made the conduct office think this kid was safe to come back to campus in the beginning of the year. Why did it take me freaking out for them to realize he wasn't such a great idea?