Yesterday, I finally placed a letter in the mail that I had wrote about a month ago. I was holding on to it because I was afraid, and frankly still am. That letter was a goodbye to my Grandparents.
Without going into too much detail, my family has the typical drama, and some. A few years ago, my Mom's parents decided they didn't like my dad, and that slowly trickled down into them not talking to us. Key facts: they live about a mile from us, I use to see them on a weekly basis in high school, I spent many weekends there with my othe siblings, I always thought family would always be there for you. In a previous post, I mentioned I learned that wasn't very true. I realized the value of maintaining and growing relationships. I realized that sometimes, you just have to say goodbye.
When I lost my one Grandfather (Dad's side) in September, it was the first death I had to go through. It was a rude awakening that life was not permanent, that it could quickly slip away from underneath us. I also realized that my time with my other Grandparents may be limited as they get older.
I haven't spoken with my Mom's parents in the last two years. I haven't seen them, heard from them, at all. Their health is waining, and given that I live out of town I don't know when I'll ever speak to them again. So, I wrote them a letter. I wrote them a letter thanking them for the roles they played in my life when I was younger. I thanked them for the overnights, the day trips to the peers, the 1/2 days in kindergarten that was spent with my Grandpa in the park (I still remember this vividly- I got a McDonald's Happy Meal). I also kindly said goodbye. It could be permanent, it could be temporary, but I wanted the chance to say it before it was too late. I didn't want to look back and wish that I had told them about how they influenced me and helped me become the person I am today. I also wanted to let them know that I consider this goodbye- I don't expect them to change at the age of 75, that's just unrealistic. But I also don't need to still be hurt by their present actions.
I just think about that day in the park, the days on the pier and the carousel and smile. If I think about to day, I'll just cry.