The infamous "maybe" response

>> 2.01.2010

Okay.  There is very little that realllly gets me going and ticked off.  (Boyfriend may claim otherwise, but he's not writing so we'll pretend there isn't a lot else).  I hate the "maybe" response.  For example, you plan an event on facebook, half of the people (who you know, who you want to be there) respond with "maybe".  You have the event, and about 2 of the 30 show up.

Or there is the "hey lets go do _______ together!" that gets a "maybe" response.  Hello world (and people viewing my blog), why is there such a huge problem with commitments?  I wish people could just pick one and go with it.  It's a yes or a no.  We all know that if you REALLY want to do something, you'll be there.  There are very few excuses that validate a "maybe".

I wonder if the maybe sayers realize the effect it has on the event planner.  I know for me, when some of my closest friends say "maybe" and then don't show up, I know that they really just couldn't say no.  If you can't be honest with your friends, what kind of friendship do you actually have?  I get that we can't be everywhere at the same time.  I had one friend say "I like to keep my options open". I get that, I see where you're coming from, and so on.  But thats entirely selfish.  If you can go, say yes.  If you can't or aren't interested, say no.  Make a decision and stand tall behind it. I know I am guilty of this, so I'm done with it.  You will rarely hear me respond "maybe".  You'll get a "yes", "no" or "can I get back to you on that?".

We have two feet, a backbone and a voice for a reason.  Use them appropriately when communicating with your friends.  If someone can't handle the fact that you told them no, they probably aren't that great of a friend anyways.


Liz February 1, 2010 at 10:54 AM  

I don't mind the maybe response. If you say no you need to have a reason, "I don't feel like it" never actually suffices. I don't like making plans very far in advance, it's nothing personal, I just don't like agreeing to something I don't know that I will actually want to be doing.

Anonymous,  February 1, 2010 at 11:10 AM  

I 100% agree. The maybe answer is absolutely obnoxious with very few reasonable exceptions. I've started booking tickets to things that I want to go to by myself so that whether or not anybody says "we'll see" I know I definitely get to go. The friends in my life who give the "we'll see" answers are the ones that will probably always just be acquaintances, and the ones that understand how important it is will be the ones that I will stay in touch with after all is said and done. Buy a planner, mark a date, and hold to your plans, it's not that flipping hard. I've started putting on invitations "yes and no are the only acceptable answers" and anything else is just assumed to be a no. Quite honestly if you don't care about me enough or have enough common sense to read that one-line, I probably don't want you there anyway. Yes, I'm bitter about this - - that's what happens when you host +20 parties a year.

The one exception to this is the mass facebook-invite with no follow-up.

Abby February 1, 2010 at 1:14 PM  

Liz- It totally makes sense that you don't mind it. But, I think "I don't feel like it" should completely suffice. Why would someone want you there if you don't actually want to be there? That wouldn't be fun for anyone involved. And thats the whole point- if you're not sure if you want to be doing it or not, you just probably shouldn't. You have to make yourself happy first.

And Chrystina- I'm glad to see you commented here instead of just telling me on gchat! People have a general fear of commitment. I think its sad how many people have forgotten the golden rule. If you don't want someone flaking on you, or not attending your events, don't do it to them!

Brandon February 1, 2010 at 9:52 PM  

I know exactly what you mean, except I have bigger problems when someone doesn't respond all together. I do understand if it is a mass event invite on Facebook, but when it is just a small group, I find no reason not to respond. At least with the maybe responses (I'm not saying I like maybe responses because they are just as bad) you know they cared to respond with something. The worst is that you know the person looked at the invitation. Usually that person is the first to respond to a scandalous Facebook status, but when it comes to the event they can't have enough respect to respond. I think between not responding and putting a maybe response it is certainly a selfish act.

Nissa Nicole February 2, 2010 at 1:05 PM  

I agree - but I'm more annoyed with "sure".
Sure is like pure indecision wrapped up with a little bow that makes it SOUND as if you're agreeing to something. Without having to actually agree.

I can totally be indecisive about things sometimes, but I wish more people would stand up for what they want or don't want to do. I won't be offended! It's just their loss :D And, more passion about things they want to do would be good, too.

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