I feel like I have so many different thoughts I could blog about. I think I really need to start creating a list so I can save the thoughts for a rainy day. Note: Boyfriend- you may not want to read. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Regardless, I thought I'd share with you something that has been boggling my mind for the last, I don't know, month or so. It hurts to write it (I had just barely become okay with saying it), but the stage beyond boyfriend and girlfriend in college SCARES ME TO DEATH. There is nothing in the world besides scary movies that makes me want to run and hide under a blanket for at least two days. Maybe three if there are good movies like Cool Runnings involved. Regardless, it scares me. It's not a commitment issue- it's just some sort of fantastically terrible complex I've developed (my friends tell me I've had it for a while, I am just acknowledging it now but what do they know). I've mentioned before that I used to be the girl who dreamed of romance and prince charming- now I'm the girl that runs straight away from it. Wonderful, isn't it? Boyfriend and I have a lot of friends who are in very committed relationships (some married, some engaged, many live together, etc which is awesome for them- more power to the people who can stomach it). Me? I think I want to live on my own until I'm at least 25, and then maybe married by 35. Maybe. 40 would be okay too. I could still adopt. Or at least thats what I think I want.
And then I have this dream. A dream where I wake up and there is a giant ring on my finger (gorgeous and expensive of course), but I am having a major panic attack because I don't know how it got there. I don't know how we get there. Yes, the person who popped the question is the same as current boyfriend. And its relatively soon in the future, not 35 like I had hoped. And I am still panicking. I don't want to say no because that's mean, but I can't say yes. I freak out (of course) and start asking a million questions. Me: "Well did you ask my parents?!" Boyfriend: "Of course! And they were both so happy to say yes!" Me: "I can't believe they would do that to me!" Frightening, I'm aware. So that is pretty much the synopsis. Me freaking out, Boyfriend not knowing exactly what is going on. Of course when I wake up from this dream, my heart is still racing and I can't stop thinking about it. So what is a girl to do? Dream decode of course.
Here is what it apparently means:
To dream that you are being proposed to, indicates that you are merging a previously unknown aspect of yourself More directly, the dream suggests you are thinking about marriage or some serious long-term commitment/project/situation. Your reaction to the proposal indicates your true feelings about marriage or commitment.
I mean, could you be more spot on? Of course I shared this meaning with 3 people, and their reactions were spot on:
Liz: Makes sense.
Steph: I couldn't pick a better one myself
Boyfriend: Um are you okay? Can you remind me of this dream? What am I supposed to make of this?
Kind of priceless if you ask me. I still don't know what to make of all this entirely. I am dedicated to living in the here and now. To not growing up too fast- to enjoying each and every stage of life that is presented to me. What's this rush to grow up? I have no desire to buy a house with someone, share an apartment, to share a dog, a car, or any other sort of major responsibility. I get that some people like that, and it's awesome for them. Just not me. It's about me right now. I have the next 79 years of my life (I'm living to 100, FYI) to be responsible for people and things other than myself. What is so wrong with not being responsible? And why do people think that because I don't want to be old, it means I'm immature? Some people need get it straight- just because I like to go to Mardi Gras for New Orleans and I may skip in the parking lot to Maggiano's does not mean I am immature. It just means I like to take what life has to offer, and make the absolute most of it.